social meditation: practicing vulnerability in human interaction

Social meditation definitions:

• external verbalization of introspection about feelings and physical sensations rather than what you're thinking or have thought. 
• Applying mindfulness to social interaction. 
• "Everything you don't want it to be."

Dyad technique definition: sit upright on floor. Do not react to your partner. Gaze at your partner's face. Each person spends 3-5 minutes (a predetermined fixed time) speaking to their partner. Then switch roles.
see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enlightenment_Intensive#Structure

Prompts provided by the facilitator:

• what leads to pleasure?
• what causes you to suffer?
• The most important thing 
• The elephant in the room 
• Most essential thing 
• what are you holding in check?
• control and surrender
• What could you let go of?
• how are you present?
• What does community feel like?
• What are examples of good community? Bad community?
• what is your authentic self?
• Silent 10 minute dyad. Then walk around and talk for 20 minutes with partner
• person A asks: What do you love? Person B answers. Repeat for 5 minutes
• how do you feel connected?
• how do you feel separate?
• How do you practice kindness towards yourself?
• What are you evolving towards? 
• What do you fear losing 
• What brings you joy?
• How do you feel worthy? 

Tell us a sad personal story
When was the last time you cried, and why?
Tell us about a turning point in your life
Most formative event of your life and why
What is the meaning of your life
What habit do you want to get rid of
What are you seeking?
Have you had a moment that was perfect
Greatest loss?
Greatest joy?
Aspects of other people that cause fear
What's a boundary you want to push?

Solo Games

• 1) Walk around the room; 2) now go a little faster; 3) faster; 4) faster; 5) freeze/pause/stop 6) notice your body, your mind, your breathing, other people, your environment

Interaction Games

• mirror dance

Size matters.
A dyad is 2 people. Focused on each other, steady eye contact. No distractions.
A small circle is 5-6 people. In a small group eye contact can be made like in a dyad.
Larger circles cause conventional social norms to occur.
Vulnerability is inversely proportional to group size.
Silence (not participating) is more acceptable in large group. Silence in a small group can be intimate.

Problems arise in groups when norms are not clear. The following illustrate how a session can derail.

• Occasionally participants will bring phones into the group during meditation. Ringing or beeping phones are disruptive. Texting, taking notes, or checking your phone breaks the connectedness
• Due to the increased sense of vulnerability, some participants feel more connected and feel less inhibited, leading to unwanted sexual attention.
• Be explicit that departing is acceptable and not disruptive.
• Interaction is not for advice or dialogue. Instead, share your current experience and emotions. 
• Verbalize your current state, not what was or what will be.
• avoid quoting external sources
• avoid explaining what someone else taught
• Vegas rules - respect the privacy of individuals participating in the session. Outside the session, avoid gossip
• don't mention names of participants when describing your experience
• avoid use of jargon ("safe space", "vegas rules", "making space")

I am aware of three ways to listen:

• with your head. Analyze content, eye movement, body language, tone, pace
• with your stomach. You get jerked around by the input from others and your own reactions
• with your heart. Compassion for the suffering of yourself and others

Before a dyad, the large group typically does a "go around" for introductions. 

Example prompts provided by the facilitator:

• Your name and the last time you farted
• 3 breaths, name, 1 breath, physically express how you feel
• Your name, a single clap, and the first word that springs to mind

Observations:

Eye movements correlate with thoughts
Fidgeting is an indicator of anxiety

Facilitator's role: Orient, Reflect, Summarize

How is the group unwelcoming?

• Physical posture is uncomfortable. Bowing is hard.
• Jargon use (dyad, safe space, holding space, container)
• Violating norms makes newbies feel bad

Ingest rate of group is limited if we want to maintain conventions.