scientific study of a retreat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g1LRKLYOxM


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7q6AjUKFlQ

Dumb monks

Just because someone has sat motionless for a long time does not make them smart. Or wise.

sensualism is being here-now

Being present means experiencing your senses as they are currently reporting. This is sensual.

Somatic experiencing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_experiencing


Trauma therapy -- move between zone 1 (stress) and zone 2 (relaxed ease) parts of the body. Spend more time in the pleasant/neutral areas.

minor insights during meditation

Q: Why do I do good acts?
A: anticipated regret of not having done something when I could have


What I want:

• to be happy
• to learn
• to reduce the stress of others, in terms of {emotional, intellectual, logistical}
• globally
• locally

logistics of coordinating a week-long silent meditation retreat

I attended a week-long (7 day, from Friday afternoon at 4pm to the following Friday at noon) silent meditation retreat. The logistics of enabling this are non-trivial.

I live about 20 minutes away from the retreat center. Other participants came from all over the country and the world -- Europe and Australia were represented! There were 100 participants, 4 teachers, 2 facilitators, 1 yoga instructor, and a full staff of cooks and cleaners.

The 3 meals per day were prepared by staff and served buffet style.

There was 1 yoga class per day for students.

Participants are given a printed schedule (below) and a printed map of the grounds.
Printed schedules were hung everywhere with painter's tape.

There were two message boards available to enable communication during the silent retreat: one for facilitators and teachers to provide instructions to participants, another for participants to post notes to facilitators and teachers. Communication among participants was frowned upon.

The "instructions to participants" board had a schedule posted for one-on-one meetings with teachers and group meetings with teachers.

Arrival on Friday evening (day 0):

• check-in, 4pm to 7:15pm
• dinner, 5:30pm to 7pm
• new yogi orientation, 7pm
• bell ringer orientation, 7:30pm (targeted at returning participants)
• "further practice or sleep", 9:30pm

Upon arrival, additional information was provided about which instructor we would be meeting with (on either Saturday or Sunday) in small groups for an hour.

Daily retreat schedule, Saturday to Thursday (days 1-6):

• 5:45 to 6am, wake up
• 6:15 to 6:45am, mindful movement
• 6:45 to 7:30am, group seated meditation
• 7:30 to 8:15am, breakfast
• 8:15 to 9am, walking meditation
• 9 to 10am, instructions by teachers; sitting, Q&A
• 10 to 10:45am, walking meditation
• 10:45 to 11:30am, sitting meditation
• 11:30 to noon, walking meditation
• noon to 12:30pm, seated meditation
• 12:30 to 2:15pm, lunch and rest
• 2:15 to 3pm, seated meditation
• 3 to 3:45pm, walking; yoga for last names A-K
• 3:45 to 4:30pm, guided meditation
• 4:30 to 5:15pm, walking, yoga for last names L-Z
• 5 to 5:30pm, seated meditation
• 5:30 to 6:45pm, supper and walking
• 6:45 to 7:15pm, seated meditation
• 7:15 to 7:30pm, walking
• 7:30 to 8:30pm, dharma talk
• 9 to 9:30pm, seated meditation, chanting
• 9:30pm, further practice or sleep

As an exception to this schedule, each student was part of a pod of 6 fellow students who met with an instructor 3 times during the week (either Saturday-Monday-Wednesday or Sunday-Tuesday-Thursday). There were 4 teachers and 100 students, so about 16 pods total. Each pod stayed together and rotated among 3 of the 4 teachers.

Alternative logistics used for a different retreat: Group meetings Sunday and Thursday (10 people, lasting 30 minutes and 1 hour); additionally, individual meeting 1-on-1 for 15 minutes.

Departure on Friday morning (day 7):

• 6 to 6:15am: wake up
• 6:30 to 7:30am: sitting, closing announcements (attendance is required)
• 7:30 to 8:15am: breakfast
• 8 to 9:20am: packing, check out of room, tip the instructors
• 9:30 to 11:30am: closing ceremony
• 11:30 to 1pm: lunch

topics to contemplate that I currently don't have insights on

dilemmas

• suffering, pleasure
• future, now
• work, rest
• differentiation, unification

principles

• golden rule
• no principles, just react
• epicurean: good feels good, bad feels bad
• Maslow's hierarchy + game theory + behavioral economics

modes of interaction: avoidance, attraction, ambivalence

avoidance includes fear of missing out, fear of loss

touch triggers emotion for me

motivating questions:

• "what do I want?" This will have different questions for different people
• "how will I accomplish what I want?" This will have different questions for different people
• There's no requirement that either of the above questions be asked or be answered

How do people work?

My fundamental question right now, my passion, is, "How do people work?"

The relevance is I want to figure out how to get what I want from other people. I recognize that this requires learning, which I also like. Learning this also helps inform how I interact with other people.

I think the best way to approach interactions is with loving curiosity. 

I interact with people on a single or few aspects, rather than the whole person.

notes on touch

http://www.in-mind.org/article/that-human-touch-that-means-so-much-exploring-the-tactile-dimension-of-social-life

mindful touch (as a sense similar to hearing, speaking)
--> Combine touch with individual meditation

Research to do: What are the modes of success and failure? We probably aren't the first group to explore this...

Reaction from a participant before we've even begun: too much analysis is causing a feeling of building up too much thought

Why touch is complicated

The channels for interaction that I'm aware of are intellectual, emotional, and physical. I'm interested in talking with people to connect intellectually, emotionally, and physically. I'm interested in touch for people who I want to interact with emotionally and physically.

I do not seek touch with people who I want to connect with intellectually. I do not seek to touch or talk with people who I do not find desirably intellectual emotional or physical.

Initial honest intent may change dynamically as the situation evolves.

Attendance

• need to participate in initial process
• need to not miss too many meetings in the sequence
• initial group will be hand-selected to minimize risk

Problem with this: causing feelings of exclusion.

Other participants will be less comfortable -- we are biasing the initial group towards people who are comfortable with touch and have thought more about the issue.

Boundaries

• participant may not know what their boundaries are
• participant may not alert others that their boundary is crossed in the moment
• jealousy: what is the role of participant's partner's (boyfriend's/girlfriend's) boundaries?

Build process of consent with exercise not focused on touch

Facilitator: explicitly talk about the role of trauma, boundaries

Goal: no surprises.
Explicit consent

Rather than interact with humans, start with animals

Activities/exercises

Activity that is about physical interaction and not touch:
Walk with eyes closed and forearms crossed over chest. Wander slowly until bump elbows, then pause and open eyes.

Guided forearm.  Walking person has eyes closed, one arm acts as both steering and head tilt. When hand is squeezed, then flash open eyes for a moment. Focus is visual, but touch is a component

Topic to discuss before starting: What's our baseline of touch experience?

Fingers only, not palms. Looking into eyes (or not). Fingers only is intentionally restrained -- you clearly could do more

Holding hands in a circle 

• religious connotations 
• group pressure 

Contact improv

Have a dyad in which the topic is touch (ie participant history)

• dyad with no knees touching
• dyad with one knee touching
• dyad with two knees touching

Sanitation: wash your hands

Sit back-to-back to feel other participants breathing

Explore touching back-of-hand to other person's back-of-hand
contrast with palm-to-palm

Do common touch (ie handshake, hug) but very mindfully (slowly)

Hugs

different types

• church hug
• bro hug
• friend hug
• long hug
• collapsing hug

fitness trackers for measurement of meditation

Psychophysiology is defined as “the branch of psychology that is concerned with the physiological bases of psychological processes.”

I already have a pulse oximeter, so I can already measure heart rate. Other metrics of interest:

• heart rate variability
• skin conductivity
• breathing rate,
• breathing depth

Muscle tension

MyoWare Muscle Sensor - https://www.sparkfun.com/products/13723

Fit bit (heart rate variability)

https://www.fitbit.com/compare
--> I arrived at Alta HR, Charge 2, Blaze.
All three feature sleep tracking and continuous heart rate.
https://www.wareable.com/fitbit/fitbit-alta-hr-v-fitbit-charge-2
http://www.pocket-lint.com/news/140467-fitbit-alta-hr-vs-charge-2-what-s-the-difference
http://wearaction.com/fitbit-alta-vs-fitbit-charge-flex
http://gadgetsandwearables.com/2017/04/24/fitbit-alta-hr-charge-2/

https://www.fitbit.com/charge2
https://www.amazon.com/Fitbit-Charge-Fitness-Wristband-Version/dp/B01K9S247E/
$130
VO2 Max measurement.

https://www.fitbit.com/altahr
https://www.amazon.com/Fitbit-Alta-Blue-Small-Version/dp/B06X3Z13PM/
$150

https://www.fitbit.com/blaze

exporting data:
https://www.fitbit.com/fitbit-premium
https://community.fitbit.com/t5/Fitbit-com-Dashboard/Download-HeartRate-data/td-p/1212798
https://github.com/simonbromberg/googlefitbit
https://www.squashleagues.org/fitbit/fitbitdatadownload
https://help.fitbit.com/articles/en_US/Help_article/1133

Jawbone

monitors a user's bpm, respiration rate, body temperature and galvanic skin response.
https://www.wareable.com/jawbone/jawbone-up3-review
reviews are that the sleep tracking is inaccurate.

Cheapest is $30.60
https://www.amazon.com/Jawbone-Heart-Activity-Sleep-Tracker/dp/B00N9E6DUK/
https://www.amazon.com/Jawbone-Heart-Activity-Sleep-Tracker/dp/B017WL5PUY

https://jawbone.com/up/trackers
Only the UP3 looks like it would be useful.

https://jawbone.com/fitness-tracker/up3

• Sleep tracking
• Resting and Passive Heart Rate

Exporting data:

https://jawbone.com/support/articles/000011483/historical-data

https://forum.quantifiedself.com/t/jawbone-up/701/2

Mio Fuse

https://www.digitaltrends.com/fitness-apparel-reviews/mio-fuse-review/

https://www.wareable.com/fitness-trackers/mio-fuse-review

No sleep tracking

Withings

https://www.digitaltrends.com/fitness-apparel-reviews/withings-pulse-o2-review/

Sona

https://www.caeden.com/sona/science/resonance/

Pip Biosensor

"Pip detects electrodermal activity (EDA)"

https://www.amazon.com/Pip-Management-Biosensor-Understand-Everyday/dp/B00MBCMMBU/

Spire Mindfulness and Activity Tracker (breathing)

https://spire.io/
https://www.amazon.com/Spire-Mindfulness-Activity-Tracker-iOS/dp/B00TH3SQOI/

"measures breathing patterns"
https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidhochman/2015/06/21/does-the-spire-stress-tracker-actually-work/

"Spire tracks the frequency and magnitude of your breaths, as well as the ratio of in to out."
https://techcrunch.com/2014/06/17/spire-breath-taker/

More

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/602988/these-wearables-detect-health-issues-before-they-happen/
https://md2k.org/about/

finding a decent EEG (Electroencephalography)

I'm looking for an EEG. Not necessarily medical grade, but better than a consumer toy.

Good review:
http://scienceforthemasses.org/2014/04/11/selecting-an-eeg-device/

Build your own

http://openeeg.sourceforge.net/doc/

Consumer toy EEG

https://store.neurosky.com/

"decent" EEG

https://shop.openbci.com/collections/frontpage
https://shop.openbci.com/collections/frontpage/products/ultracortex-mark-iv

https://mfimedical.com/collections/eeg-ltm-psg-systems

https://www.emotiv.com/epoc/

medical grade EEG

http://www.medwow.com/used-eeg-unit-equipment/104.med

https://mfimedical.com/products/cadwell-easy-ii-eeg-psg-system

Not sure about these

https://bio-medical.com/electro-caps.html

https://www.eegsales.com/

rental:

https://www.lifelinesneuro.com

Interoception: sensing my body

Thanks to http://www.npr.org/programs/invisibilia

http://web.seru.sa.edu.au/pdfs/Introception.pdf

Interoception: the sense of the physiological condition of the body
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12965300
Curr Opin Neurobiol. 2003 Aug;13(4):500-5.

Just a heartbeat away from one's body: interoceptive sensitivity predicts malleability of body-representations.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21208964
Proc Biol Sci. 2011 Aug 22;278(1717):2470-6. doi: 10.1098/rspb.2010.2547. Epub 2011 Jan 5.

Knowing your own heart: Distinguishing interoceptive accuracy from interoceptive awareness
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2014.11.004

Understanding my Pulse Oximeter

I have a Pulse Oximeter, specifically a CMS 50D+.

An excellent in-depth review of Pulse Oximeter technology is available here.

My device is connected via USB to a computer running Windows XP or a computer running Ubuntu.

Windows

The device came with drivers and software for Windows.

When I exit the session, I am prompted to save the metadata and data.

Data is saved to "C:\Program Files\SpO2\Data"
Output is three files: <name>.csv, <name>.spo, and <name>_wave.csv
The "<name>.csv" is two columns: sp0 and pulse rate. The "<name>_wave.csv" appears to be the photoplethysmogram

Ubuntu

On Ubuntu I installed SleepyHead.

To install the package in Ubuntu on the command line,

sudo dpkg -i sleepyhead_0.9.2-1_i386.deb
To open the GUI,
SleepyHead
To view the saved data,
cd ~/Documents/SleepyHeadData/Profiles/ben/
then go into the most recent directory
cd CMS50_560ee6c6

Parsing the output of pulse oximeters is discussed for the Clinical Guard CMS 50EW.

initial thoughts about exploring touch in social meditation

Attendance

• need to participate in initial process
• need to not miss too many meetings in the sequence

Boundaries

• participant may not know what their boundaries are
• participant may not alert others that their boundary is crossed in the moment
• jealousy: what is the role of participant's partner's (boyfriend's/girlfriend's) boundaries?

Facilitator: explicitly talk about the role of trauma, boundaries

Activities/exercises

Have a dyad in which the topic is touch (ie participant history)

• dyad with no knees touching
• dyad with one knee touching
• dyad with two knees touching

Sit back-to-back to feel other participants breathing

Explore touching back-of-hand to other person's back-of-hand
contrast with palm-to-palm

Do common touch (ie handshake, hug) but very mindfully (slowly)

Hugs -- different types

• church hug
• bro hug
• friend hug
• long hug
• collapsing hug

social meditation: practicing vulnerability in human interaction

Social meditation definitions:

• external verbalization of introspection about feelings and physical sensations rather than what you're thinking or have thought. 
• Applying mindfulness to social interaction. 
• "Everything you don't want it to be."

Dyad technique definition: sit upright on floor. Do not react to your partner. Gaze at your partner's face. Each person spends 3-5 minutes (a predetermined fixed time) speaking to their partner. Then switch roles.
see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enlightenment_Intensive#Structure

Prompts provided by the facilitator:

• what leads to pleasure?
• what causes you to suffer?
• The most important thing 
• The elephant in the room 
• Most essential thing 
• what are you holding in check?
• control and surrender
• What could you let go of?
• how are you present?
• What does community feel like?
• What are examples of good community? Bad community?
• what is your authentic self?
• Silent 10 minute dyad. Then walk around and talk for 20 minutes with partner
• person A asks: What do you love? Person B answers. Repeat for 5 minutes
• how do you feel connected?
• how do you feel separate?
• How do you practice kindness towards yourself?
• What are you evolving towards? 
• What do you fear losing 
• What brings you joy?
• How do you feel worthy? 

Tell us a sad personal story
When was the last time you cried, and why?
Tell us about a turning point in your life
Most formative event of your life and why
What is the meaning of your life
What habit do you want to get rid of
What are you seeking?
Have you had a moment that was perfect
Greatest loss?
Greatest joy?
Aspects of other people that cause fear
What's a boundary you want to push?

Solo Games

• 1) Walk around the room; 2) now go a little faster; 3) faster; 4) faster; 5) freeze/pause/stop 6) notice your body, your mind, your breathing, other people, your environment

Interaction Games

• mirror dance

Size matters.
A dyad is 2 people. Focused on each other, steady eye contact. No distractions.
A small circle is 5-6 people. In a small group eye contact can be made like in a dyad.
Larger circles cause conventional social norms to occur.
Vulnerability is inversely proportional to group size.
Silence (not participating) is more acceptable in large group. Silence in a small group can be intimate.

Problems arise in groups when norms are not clear. The following illustrate how a session can derail.

• Occasionally participants will bring phones into the group during meditation. Ringing or beeping phones are disruptive. Texting, taking notes, or checking your phone breaks the connectedness
• Due to the increased sense of vulnerability, some participants feel more connected and feel less inhibited, leading to unwanted sexual attention.
• Be explicit that departing is acceptable and not disruptive.
• Interaction is not for advice or dialogue. Instead, share your current experience and emotions. 
• Verbalize your current state, not what was or what will be.
• avoid quoting external sources
• avoid explaining what someone else taught
• Vegas rules - respect the privacy of individuals participating in the session. Outside the session, avoid gossip
• don't mention names of participants when describing your experience
• avoid use of jargon ("safe space", "vegas rules", "making space")

I am aware of three ways to listen:

• with your head. Analyze content, eye movement, body language, tone, pace
• with your stomach. You get jerked around by the input from others and your own reactions
• with your heart. Compassion for the suffering of yourself and others

Before a dyad, the large group typically does a "go around" for introductions. 

Example prompts provided by the facilitator:

• Your name and the last time you farted
• 3 breaths, name, 1 breath, physically express how you feel
• Your name, a single clap, and the first word that springs to mind

Observations:

Eye movements correlate with thoughts
Fidgeting is an indicator of anxiety

Facilitator's role: Orient, Reflect, Summarize

How is the group unwelcoming?

• Physical posture is uncomfortable. Bowing is hard.
• Jargon use (dyad, safe space, holding space, container)
• Violating norms makes newbies feel bad

Ingest rate of group is limited if we want to maintain conventions.

logistics notes for coordinating a day-long social meditation session

Water service for director: tray, towel, coaster, napkin, glass, pitcher
Pour water in the room to the side
Glass on coaster, napkin on top

Room logistics before event

Circle seating.
Turn baseboard heaters (3) on
Organize cushions
Set out correct number of cushions (25)
Turn lights on
Fill candles with fuel
Staff the registration check in table

Schedule 

Saturday - cooking @ organizer's house

Set up: 8am
Breakfast 8:30am
Move in to room 9am
Coffee refresh 10:30
Start lunch set up at noon
Lunch 12:30 - contemplative. Chicken tacos, beans,
Break
Session 3: 2pm
Break: 3:30
Session 4

Set up reception
Reception 4:30
Out to eat 5:30
Social mediation 7pm


Food
Shop for food Saturday
Light breakfast - coffee, hard boiled eggs, granola, yogurt

Logistics of a Social Meditation Weekend Intensive with guest speaker

Thursday

Talk by guest speaker

Friday

Talk by guest speaker

Saturday

Talk by guest speaker: everything is made up

Silent seated solo meditation
Walk run stop in circle
Silent seated solo meditation
Yoga
Dyad, 5 minutes per person. Prompt: how are you hard on yourself?
Walk around, then stop. Standing dyad. Three phases: gaze at neck, then eyes, then one sentence response to prompt: what are you scared of letting go?
Repeat walk and standing dyad with same prompt, different person. Three times.
Group check in: how does fear impact your talking
Lunch 
Drive to park. In car prompts:
What is in my control? Outside my control?
What is in the practice of social meditation? Outside of social meditation?
Who am i? Who am I not?

In the woods:
Solo meditation
Object focused solo meditation - longer than you want to
Dyad

Car ride to center - same question

At center - informal game - psychic
Meditation solo
Walking around, then run
Circle share
Dyad (optional eyes closed)
Silent dyad, same partner

After hours 

Penguin dance - stand facing inward and sway
Count to 20. Eyes closed. One person at time. Restart if there's a collision
Sit down on laps in a circle

Sunday 

9am
Silent solo seated meditation
Walking silent  meditation
Silent solo seated meditation
Discourse, a few questions
Go outside
Silent solo seated meditation, 5 minutes
Dyad, 5 minutes per person. Prompt: how did you get to this practice?

observations during social meditation weekend retreat

People feel fear of failure, fear of judgment and rejection
A normal response to fear is control. Another response if avoidance of situations in which fear is triggered.

Just as I practice playfulness in yoga, there can also be playfulness in meditation and playfulness in social meditation .

I am an orange; you are an apple. I am curious about your experience. I have some idea of what you're experiencing, but I don't know you deeply.

Constraints: Love, money, time

Globalization yields progress (medical, technological), while our psychology has evolved to support tribalism.


Everyone is reasoning either emotionally, applying local cost benefit logic, or optimizing globally

Cost benefit doesn't say which decisions should be made
Reduce suffering  of all people. What about future people?


Need compassion, intelligence, and action.

1. compassion for the suffering of others
2. intelligence to think of useful action
3. desire to act

Social meditation is a great tool for exploration

I knew that I didn't understand other people. I didn't have any channel to understand other people; merely observation of their behavior.

I started practicing social meditation. Dyads (two people engaged directly) and playing with convention generated evidence that I could improve my understanding through interaction with individuals.
I am on apple, you are an orange. I have some baseline similarities (breath, eat, sleep), but I don't know your experience.

Now I am curious about other people. I want to understand their thinking, feel their emotion, understand their motivation.
--> Am I curious so that I can judge these aspects?
No everyone is introspective. Not each person has emotional depth. How do I respond to that?

This curiosity is not simply intellectual. I want to have an emotional bond with other people.
How do I form a bond? By talking with individuals, by spending time with them.

It helps to seed my interaction with other people with love and kindness.
How do I convey my love? Through my action, speech, presence, vulnerability.
How to love without knowing someone?
How to love badness?
How to love someone who is harming you? Harming others? Has harmed in the past?

social meditation is a set of rules

Social meditation is defined by a set of rules. When those rules are not observed by the participants, then the interaction is not social meditation. The impact of practicing social meditation seems very subjective; outcomes and relevance vary depending on the experience of the participant.

What are the rules of social meditation?

• Speak from firsthand experience
• Allow silence
• Verbalize clearly so other participants can engage. Enunciate, speak slowly, speak up
• Speak about what you are experiencing (not what you're thinking)

variations on dyads in social meditation

eyes closed/eyes open/eyes looking at neck line

with touching/without touching

silent/talking

movement

smell

taste

what could be measured and how could it be measured during contemplation

During meditation I experience sensations that I think could be measured:

• heavy limbs
• chills down my back
• chills through my body
• "champagne bubbles" up my back

What could be measured:

• skin temperature (ie thermal imaging)
• oral temperature
• eye movement; see "Precise measurement of individual rapid eye movements in REM sleep of humans"
• rectal temperature
• skin color (comparison of photographs)
• hair follicle direction (using photographs to compare)
• heart rate
• heart rate variability
• blood pressure level (before, during, and after a session)
• breath (@ chest, @ diaphragm)
• skin conductivity
• sleep stage (via a fitbit)
• blood oxygen level

Measurement methods:

• EEG (brain)
• EKG (heart)
• MRI
• cat scan, CT scan
• cortisol in saliva
• blood hormones
• urine
• stool

Body aspects to measure:

• nerves
• muscle tension
• blood
• breathing rate
• breathing capacity

a contemplative retreat for scientifically-oriented people

I attended a seven day retreat and was distracted by the spiritual aspect of the teachings. I understand that meditation has thousands of years of history. It appeared to me that the past few decades of scientific inquiry into meditation were not part of the discussion.

Experiences by teachers and students were reported subjectively in the form, "Here's my report on what I felt." Typically the language used for descriptions was imprecise, like "I feel and energy in my hands."

I too felt sensations which I expect are physiological (rather than a mental impression of a sensation). Therefore these experiences should be measurable. I'm specifically interested in non-invasive non-disruptive measurements that could be done for a few hundred dollars. (A functional MRI would be great, but I don't have access or funds.)

observations during a 7 day retreat

I attended a silent meditation retreat from Friday to Friday. I spent Friday and Saturday adjusting mentally and physically. Sunday I was ready to listen to the teachers' talks. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were productive in terms of contemplation. By Thursday I was ready to leave, and Friday was spent leaving.

Sunday

Temporal spectrum: future (plans), now, past (memory)
Emotional spectrum: aversion, neutral, desire
Future desire = fantasy
Aim for neutral-now. Bored is a good indicator

Recognize, allow, investigate, nurture

To feel self compassion
1) be here now
2) feel your heart sensation
3) feel the pain
4) self compassion

Fear + helplessness = trauma

Evolution has imprinted the limbic brain with a desire to be in a hierarchy and form groups

Monday

When I am in the presence of other people, I feel the need to figure out what the normal conventions are for that environment. This understanding better enables me to interact and know how much I can deviate from convention. This tolerance is important for two reasons: I want to be myself while also avoiding rejection. I want to connect and engage other people, on my terms.

I seek connection (emotional bond) and fear rejection (being ostracized). The conditions are subjective and dynamic.
Many other people likely feel similarly. Though I am unwilling to generalize to "all people."

I am also unwilling to use the label "unconditional love," because of pathological/edge cases.

Unconditional and conditional are unnecessary modifiers for love. Love is simply a sensation.

I am engineering a life of ease. My work is my entertainment and also enables my life of ease.

Tuesday

I have chosen, engineered, and been born into a life of ease. I accept this and work to continue my lifestyle.

The act of killing living creatures is biologically necessary. Humans kill bacteria and virii. Humans kill plants and animals for nutrition and competition for resources and cleanliness. In this killing, is the act intentional, needed, and carried out with minimal suffering?
"Needed" is the slipperiest

Overeat because
* big plates
* I will be hungry later, though I am not currently
* I already paid, so I want to get value


As a consequence of the halting problem, every action and decision I make has a physiological basis. The physical response is a response due to either evolution or conditioning. Humans add another layer by rationalizing. Further, humans occasionally  (but not consistently) account for future feelings.
That doesn't mean the outcome is deterministic. (Deterministic implies predictability and repeatability; human decision making is neither.)

Physics, chemistry, and biology tell us about the constraints of our environment, not what we can or should do.
I am choosing a life of ease


I accept myself and few others. Beyond sharing biology, in terms of goals, lifestyle, desired behavior, and undesired behavior, I feel little kinship with other people. I don't accept other people. Nor do I seek approval of other people.

How can I accept other people who make poor decisions, spread false information  (intentionally or unintentionally), don't act rationally, and don't even act in their own self interest [see behavioral economics]?
I do all that, I accept myself, but I am unwilling to accept that in other people.

Perhaps it's safest not to attempt to generalize. Treat each person as an individual. Perhaps the goal of loving and accepting all people is misguided

Wednesday

I recognize that a societal norm (in the statistical sense) exists. I don't accept the norm, as that feels like consent to it being right and good. I don't think the norm is correct or beneficial.

I think there is value in understanding the norm. I think I can live a better life by cooperating with people who do not share my values, rather than me try to exist in isolation.
As a result, I want to engage with some other people, but not all the time on all issues. My engagement happens on my terms, rather than accept by default the terms of the group.

In addition to large scale society, this analysis  applies to small social groups.

I seek emotional bond with other people on my terms. People I don't have a desire to bond with are negative, make unhealthy life choices. Both of those criteria are subjective.

I fear being ostracized from society and my local relationships based on my desires and behaviors.

Although I don't accept other people or agree with them, I can feel kindness towards them

I reject others before they have a chance to reject me. People I choose to interact with are exceptions


There is much suffering and violence, most of it is outside my ability to alter.
It is not my goal to eliminate or reduce suffering. A trivial way to accomplish these goals would be to eliminate humans.
My goal is to enable individuals (who want to) to self actualize in a way that does not cause others to suffer.
If your self actualization prevents someone else from self actualizing, or causes someone else to suffer, then I do not support your self actualization.

Thursday

I don't like
* Waking to an alarm
* following someone else's schedule
* not sleeping enough
* not working out
* not cooking
* not having sex
* shared bathroom
* not masturbating

Citing a reference is distinct from objectively measuring reality
Measurements get labels, and humans gain knowledge.
Objective description of reality helps me feel more secure. One person's subjective experience is no more valid than anyone else's. And that does not enable progress.
Progress enables more people to self actualize?
The consequence of subjective experience is that each person is unique

Being around most other people causes cognitive dissonance in my perception. To decrease that dissonance, I don't socialize generally.
What I want is to authentic emotional engagement. Either  {people don't know how to, there's nothing to present  (no depth), the rate of increasing depth is slower than I find reasonable, past interactions have yielded rejection}

I want to enjoy my life. I also want to create conditions that are sustainable for 1000 years.
My 1000 year perspective is how I evaluate some consequences of decisions made by myself and other people.
This 1000 year view is not widely held, though some other people occasionally do think beyond their lifespan.
This expectation for sustainability is rarely met, so I am mostly disappointed by other people.
I reject the "just be here now" perspective. Some planning is required to survive.
What is the integration of planning and being?