observations from hosting Tea with Strangers

number of participants sets the vibe

• 1 person (plus the host) is direct and focused. There's no where to divert attention or take a break
• 2 people (plus the host) is my ideal group size -- small enough to feel intimate, and small enough to prevent splitting conversations; large enough to allow breaks for participants
• 3 people (plus the host) is the first group size where splitting the conversation is feasible. I find concurrent conversations distracting.

My first goal as host (usually stated explicitly at some point during the interaction) is to identify harm and address it directly. That includes both the person doing harm (intentional or unintentional) and the person being harmed.

While that criterion is necessary, it is not sufficient for me to feel I am getting value. I want to feel connection with the participants. I have a bag of tricks for building intimacy, but I feel it could be imposing (given my position of power and responsibility) on attendees to use it. 

finding a community of people who measure meditation

https://cohack.org

tropes of perception

Here's the recurring chain of logic the lizard brain seems to engage in:

1. I am different so I am alone
2. I have a biological drive to connect with other people
3. Creating and maintaining connection takes work
4. Connection creates risk -- risk of loss; risk of rejection
5. Risk of loss or rejection due to my badness
6. I feel shame for my badness; I fear loss
7. I want to minimize work and minimize risk

being authentic in interactions means finding balance

Listening to someone else present authentically is a rush. It's exciting to receive. The feeling of connection is delightful.

Being authentic when interacting with another person is difficult. The skill in describing your experience is to avoid being too generic in your descriptions of your experience, while also avoiding being too specific.

As an example of an overly specific description, "my foot feels heavy." As a listener, I probably don't care that your foot feels heavy.

While the specific description of your physical experience isn't of direct interest, what I (the listener) care about is

1. what is your physical experience?
2. what is your response/reaction to that felt sense?
3. What consequence does your reaction to your own experience have on our interaction?

lessons learned from hosting a social meditation retreat at my house

Attendee behavior:

• few will register early (weeks in advance)
• some will register a week or two before the retreat
• some will register a day in advance or the day of
• some will not register (and will just show up)
• some will register, not pay, and not show up
• some will register, pay, and participate only part of the retreat
• some will register in advance, pay, then not show up

I had 22 attendees Friday evening, 13 on Saturday, and 12 on Sunday.

Due in part to the above fluctuations, I bought too much food. 

The attendee fee was $75. I thought ahead and had change (many $5) since most attendees paying cash had 4x$20. Half the attendees paid using Venmo. 

The number of (facilitators, coordinators, speakers, hosts, guests) versus number of attendees is an important ratio since costs is bore by attendees and not all will be able to pay.  With 13 participants, I collected money from 6 people.

Refunding people who had paid and then didn't participate further decreased money available for food.

The speaker was ok with any amount of money paid. After paying him $240, then $300 was requested.