paths to genuine interaction : how to interact authentically

There exists repeatable approaches that enable interacting with other people in a genuine manner.

"Be vulnerable" is a common refrain. There are multiple senses of vulnerable, so specifying which sense matters. Vulnerability means being exposed to risk. To illustrate various aspects, there is

• fiscal vulnerability (risk of financial insecurity)
• physical vulnerability (risk of being harmed)
• computer vulnerability (risk of losing control of information and resources)
• system vulnerability (risk of unintended access or unexpected action)
• emotional vulnerability with oneself (risk of gaining self-knowledge?)
• social vulnerability (risk of scaring other people off)

In the context of genuine human interaction, emotional and social vulnerability are relevant. 

To enable emotional and social vulnerability, feeling physically and emotionally safe is vital. 

Genuine interaction means establishing a safe environment and communicating emotions (physical sensations, feelings) socially (with other people). 

A second path to genuine interaction is intentionally exploring awkward now-ness with other people. 

Examples: 

• "What conversation would feel awkward now?"
• "What question would feel awkward to ask now?"

Establishing guidelines for a group focused on authentic presentation

Context: a small group of experienced meditators met to form a new group focusing on authentic presenting.

Below are notes I shared with the group after the discussion.


I get value from negotiating. Negotiating is a form of communication that typically results in me better understand the person I'm negotiating with.
Even if we take a while to get to the action of authentic presenting in a group, I'm getting pleasure from the interaction.

What are our goals?

* feel more self-connected and connected with others.
* experience connectedness that results from doing hard work in the group
* grow and improve through exposure to challenge, leading to improved
self-understanding
* recognize aspects of myself that I don't like and then explore how
to relate to aspects of myself that I don't like
* fulfill the potential of social meditation while filtering out clowns
* relate to others in the group through consensus and negotiation [no
facilitator/leader/teacher]
* hold each other accountable
* be able to question any aspect (nothing is held sacred)

Phases of activity

Phase: individual activity (when not in the group)

* journaling
* meditating

Phase: group conversation

* participants can write notes for themselves
* intentionally break the conventional patterns of normal interaction,
ie by using timers to constrain dominant participants

Phase: authentic presenting to group

* authentic presentation of your experience to other participants:
present your feeling, verbal inquiry, reflective description of
experience
* undirected experiential-based awareness of thought, feelings,
sensation, and other participants communicated verbally to other
participants
* private dyad with open-ended inquiry
* private dyad with optional prompt
* group circle
* public dyad ("warrior exchange") in the circle
* authentic presenter in the circle

Phase: closing the group activity

* solo meditation
* circle harvest (verbal reflections not seeking response)

Choreography of the practice

* avoid constraints associated with ritual, ceremony, lineage; rely on
communication and negotiation and consensus instead
* avoid giving life advice to other participants
* avoid giving advice on personal decisions of other participants
* instead of merely expressing judgement of other participants,
verbalize your exploration of your own experience reacting to the
situation
* socializing is separate from this practice
* calling out desired behavior and undesired behavior of other
participants is useful to the group
* your experience is what is valid
* communicating recommendations on participant behavior for
consideration by the group is desirable
* in order to have the authority needed to create accountability,
participants need to participate in the group

Issues to potentially discuss in the future after we have more
experience in the group

* finding and identifying candidate participants
* on-boarding of new participants: how to teach the process, explain
the reasoning, provide historical context, define jargon, negotiate
conditions of participation